Follow an auntie’s chronicles of living with three-year-old Lara for a month. Stay tuned for laughs, tantrums and a whole load of fun!
Day two: 13 March
Day two was not as exciting as the past couple of days. The weather was too miserable to go to the beach this morning and, after going to roller derby the day before, I like to sleep in (when I am working the late shift and I can, obvs).
Lara woke up at about 8am – God, she is such a good sleeper – and Jeanne brought her through to our bed until she woke up a little more before heading to the kitchen for breakfast: Coco Pops, obvs.
Breakfast went better this morning, with two bowls of Coco Pops devoured in a matter of minutes, as well as a yoghurt.
We had a domestic about a grape. All we asked was that she ate two littles grapes but, alas, it wasn’t going to happen.
Instead, Lara decided to tell us that she ate them, and hid them in her hands instead. Cheeky chick, we are smarter than you.
Lara fell out the fucking bed! Oh my God, how petrifying and upsetting all at the same time. She must have rolled right over the entire bed and plopped over the edge.
After getting over the shock and once the tears stopped, auntie Jeanne stuffed some pillows under the sheet and made a little hump that madam won’t roll over.
To say that it was traumatising is an understatement.
Highlights of the day:
- Jeanne: “stop licking me I’m not an ice cream”. Lara: “You are an ice cream!”
- Painting a horsie with her new watercolour paints.
- Playing with her Lego Duplo. She was making Jeanne and I a number of big and small animals.
- Jeanne puts her in the car seat to go to the shops. She grabs Jeanne and says: “I’ve got you, babe”.
- Jeanne takes Lara to the shops and tells her to walk (not run) over the pedestrian crossing. Why? Because there is only one Lara, people drive fast and they are going to drive over her and she will then be flat. And then auntie Jeanne will be sad. Lara only turned around and said: “These people are arseholes and then you are going to cry”.
- Jeanne takes her to the shop and she tripped over the trolley. After laughing, she says: “ek a dronk gaat”. I love this child.
Day three: 14 March
It’s only 11am and I am exhausted already. How do you tell a three-year-old that her chocolate is finished? You don’t. Oh my word.
We got Lara a Kinder egg for being so good thus far, only for her to eat it and cry because it was finished.
Wait, that kind of sounds like me! *Why is all the chocolate gone?*
Jeanne and I had a falling out about a yoghurt. Why? Because I opened a yellow one and Lara then wanted a pink one. But, there was no pink one.
I probably should have asked her which one she wanted before opening it, but my brain just doesn’t work that way! Well, I learned my lesson the hard way. Fok.
So Jeanne decided to bring Lara to roller derby for “half an hour” so she could see auntie Claire and the other girls roller skating.
Well was that a bad idea! Let’s just say that she enjoyed it so much she didn’t want to leave. Oops! That means that we got home well past her bedtime and that we would probably suffer the next day.
Anyway, Lara immediately took to Amore – one of the CPT Rollergirls – who picked her up and skated her around the derby tracked so many times she was dizzy – so cute!
After derby practice, we got in the car to go home, only for Lara to apparently give auntie Claire (the cute kind of) sass while I was reversing out of a tight parking bay in order to get her in her car seat (see below).
Highlights of the day:
- Lara calling auntie Jeanne a “big baby”.
- I called Lara a beached whale only for her to reply: “You’re a beached dolphin”.
- Lara said that she was going to “pee pee” on auntie Jeanne’s foot.
- Calling Jeanne “auntie poo” after Jeanne called her a “fool”.
- Lara (after derby practice while I am reversing out of the parking space) saying: “What are you doing babe? Just park man”, while I was trying to reverse out of a tight parking space so we could get her in her car seat.
- While Jean was putting Lara is her car seat (at 9pm in a very busy public car park), Lara decides to lick and ‘bite’ auntie Jeanne’s arm making her laugh so much that she could hardly do anything. It took us approx. 15 minutes to get madam strapped in.
Day four: 15 March
Lara has been at home all day keeping herself occupied but, because of the late night last night, she has been incredibly grumpy – oops. I knew we would suffer.
Anyway, we have had a few tantrums today – and I don’t think roller derby will be happening again – one of which included not wanting to eat her fruit, but wanting a yoghurt.
Jeanne and I decided that Lara needs to eat more than just yoghurt. Why? Well, to Lara’s dismay, she cannot live off yoghurt alone, so that is where the fruit has come in.
Well, Lara decided this was a load of bullshit, so she decided to lie on the floor instead – for half an hour.
So lunchtime rolled around and Lara was still on the floor. Being persistent, Jeanne got dressed and told her that if she wanted to go to the shops, she needed to eat some of her fruit and get dressed.
That didn’t happen and Jeanne left meaning Lara ended up in floods of tears, leaving me to deal with my very first tantrum alone, ever, while Jeanne went to the shops. Oh, God.
Yoh, another major learning curve. I decided to let her Lara cry it out for 5-minutes before picking her up off the floor and taking her to her bed where we had a little pep talk. It kind of went like this:
Me: “Lara, look into auntie Claire’s eyes. That’s it. Now, you are having a tantrum over nothing and I think it’s enough now”.
Lara: *crying* “I want to go to the shops with auntie Jeanne”.
Me: “But auntie Jeanne said you had to get dressed to go with her and you didn’t, did you?”
Me: “So how could you go to the shops then?”
Lara: “Oh, I couldn’t”.
Who knew 3-year-olds could actually understand? Not me. But I got her to stop crying – success!