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It’s back, and I don’t know why.

So, it’s back. My anxiety. And I don’t know why. But on Monday night while doing laps at roller derby I had an anxiety attack and it was horrible.

I had forgotten what it felt like. Having an anxiety attack. Only because it has not happened in almost a year.

I weaned myself off my meds – Lexamil – because I didn’t think they were doing anything for me and I didn’t want to take them for the sake of taking them.

Replacing them, I decided to make several lifestyle changes instead. All of which are working. Well, until now.

Note: Please do not follow my (bad) actions and wean yourself off your meds. Please consult your doctor first. I went through horrible withdrawal and suffered from many side effects that I struggled with. It wasn’t clever, and I should have done it differently.

I feel awful. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and won’t they won’t budge. It’s debilitating, and it makes me angry.

I’ve been lashing out more frequently suddenly, my moods have been horrible and, overall, I’ve not been a very pleasant human to be around, and that is a load of shit.

Having an anxiety attack on Monday really shocked me. Only because I have been feeling more and more ‘normal’ as of late and, well, feeling anxious feels foreign to me again.

My coach even noticed – which I hoped no one would – and told me that I looked pale, and I honestly don’t even know how I finished my laps without breaking down in tears.

This little setback is just another reminder that mental health should not to take for granted, and that you need to take care of yourself always.

I am going to have to re-evaluate a few things and make some changes again to get back to my ‘normal’ again, and hopefully I will find out what has set me back a few steps again.

 

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1 Comment

  • Reply Fran Viet

    Sending you strength and good thoughts.

    April 3, 2018 at 12:47 pm
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