2016 has been a corker, I am not going to lie. Jeanne and I have been through the wringer, and we have had to conquer some really, well, shite moments. But it seems like 2016 has just been one of those for many people, so, if you are one of them, I feel you!
From doctor’s appointments and numerous blood test to more than one false diagnosis being thrown around a room like it is no big deal, it seems like December is going to give us one more challenge before the year is over.
But, guess what? I am not giving up. So fuck you, 2016. Fuck you. What you don’t know, is that I am a lot stronger than you think I am and there is a lot bigger and better things to come for us.
Now that I have that out of my system, here’s my advice on how to keep strong through the tough times, no matter when they present themselves:
1. Take a step back. The first thing Jeanne and I tend to do when we get bad news is freak out to such an extent that we end up arguing when we should be there for each other.
To avoid this, I tend to let Jeanne let it all out and then I suggest we take a step back from the situation, just for a little while, to gain some perspective. This helps us to calm down, see a little more clearly (even when you thought it might never be possible) and come together to get through the next step together.
2. Calm your mind. As you probably already know, I have quite bad anxiety, which is brought on by a lot of factors, one being worry. I worry a lot as it is, so when we get bad news or have had to plan to tackle something unexpected I worry more, so in instances like that I try my very best to calm my mind.
Calming my mind helps my anxiety a lot, and I do this by closing my eyes, taking a few long, deep breaths and then assessing the situation to make a clear decision about what to do next.
3. Stick together. Like I said, Jeanne and I usually end up falling out when we hit a speed bump, only because we both panic. However, it is so important to overcome that as quickly as possible and stick together.
I don’t think I could have got through half the things we have had to over the last year without her, and I really mean that. She is my fiance, but she is also my best friend and my “person”.
If you do end up having a tiff like us, try not to drag it out, rather say what you need to in as nice a manner as possible so that you can then come together to work on overcoming the speed bump.
4. Never, ever give up. There have been more than one moment where both Jeanne and I have given up all hope, but we chose to keep going. When you are faced with such horrible news or an obstacle you feel you cannot get over it’s so easy to give up, but you shouldn’t, no matter how how it gets.
I have to remind myself often that “everything happens for a reason” and that “you wouldn’t be given anymore than you can handle”. And I truly believe that, and we have overcome every single thing that has come our way.
5. No matter how hard it gets, care. Woah, who knew not caring was so easy? Fuck me sideways, it is so easy to literally not give a shit these days and that scares me more than anything.
To push through that feeling of not caring is imperative, or you might actually get lost forever (and I have been there, it’s not pretty. Actually, I think both Jeanne and I have both been there). So do yourself a favour, do not let your state of caring reach such a low that you stop caring altogether.
I can name many a circumstance that I thought Jeanne would stop caring about me (you know, cos’ I do stupid things), and she never once gave up on me. So why would I give up on her?
Unfortunately we will continue to face numerous challenges, adversity and obstacles throughout our lives, it is just one of those things, but you can teach yourself to deal with them in a healthier manner!
Havelock Ellis wrote, “Pain and death are part of life. To reject them is to reject life itself.”
There are so many other points I could cover, but I feel that those are the most important of them all, and they are the points that have helped Jeanne and I thus far conquer a lot of crap.
Are there any special ways or things you do to help you get through the hard times? I would love to know, so leave me a comment below.